This great debate happened on the very last day of our vacation where we were staying with my husband’s family near the beach. This little episode taught me more about myself and the identity in which I typically live from.
It was mid morning, and my husband had just come back from an early morning fishing trip that was cut short due to rain. As I am sitting in the living area, he comes in and notices another lady (friend of the relative we were staying with) who was staying there making sandwiches for her family (with the meat and bread she had brought herself) and proceeds to turn to me and says something along the lines of:
What are you doing?
Nothing, just hanging out here until the rain passed, and waiting until we to go to the beach.
…….. She made her sandwiches, why can’t you make our sandwiches. MAKE ME A SANDWICH.
(Cue my hormones…aka ugly tears and heavy sobbing over this sandwich he asked, no TOLD me to make)
I made him a sandwich, and then he told me that I needed to do more to help out.
Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy flooded in. Am I not doing enough? Should I be doing more? Does his family think I’m lazy too?
The last thing in the world I want anyone to the think about me is that I am lazy and unappreciative of someone’s hospitality.
Such began my internal dialogue. People came back downstairs and we proceeded to go to the beach, but I was wounded and not going to snap back and be able to put on a happy face quickly that day.
This is the point in the story where I would love to say that we apologized to each other and were able to go skipping out the door holding hands and singing kum-ba-yah to the beach.
But that’s not how it happened. The title of this post would not be “The Great Sandwich Debate” if this incident didn’t fester into something deeper.
Instead I held on to my attitude the rest of the day. I was hurt,offended and upset, and taking jabs at my husband when given the chance; but most often staying silent, stewing in my growing bitterness towards him and isolating myself from everyone else.
We are in Week 3 of the Fervent Prayer Study that I am doing with my friend, Ashley over at Kitchen Table Chronicles. The Strategy that we are focusing on is Identity.
Identity. Who you are. What you are about. WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF.
Ashley’s post will talk more about the difference between our perceived identity and authentic identity, so definitely check that out, but I want to bring to your attention a hidden obstacle to living from our authentic identity in Christ… PRIDE.
Pride is that nasty monster that sneaks up on you when you don’t expect it. The sense of entitlement and leverage in a situation that you demand.
Pride is one of the main reasons we cannot live out our authentic identity.
- Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18
Scripture tells us that pride separates us from God.
- In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. Psalm 10:4
- Your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God. Deuteronomy 8:14
Pride is the “I told you so” and “You should have listened to me”. Pride is the “I’m waiting for my apology” and “You own me”.
When we feel like people owe us something it hinders our ability to grasp that the ultimate debt has already been paid. No one owes us anything because it has been erased by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
So when we feel that pride monster start to take over us, we can fight it by remembering what Jesus’ did on the cross, and who we are and we’ve been forgiven of as a result of His grace.
- When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2
- Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. Proverbs 13:10
And that day at the beach was an example of these, the more I held on to my pride, the more upset I got and started picking fights. It was only when I literally got in the shower, cried out to God to help me not be this way (knowing I needed to move on from it, but not wanting to let go of the feeling of entitlement) that I was humbled to remember who I am in Christ and how this foundation of identity shapes my daily interactions, even arguments with my husband.
There is that slice of humble pie I needed. And not a second too soon.
- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4
- Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. James 4:10 (NLT)
Living from our authentic selves is not easy. In the world we live in we carry our own perceptions of self that cause us to be on high alert, searching for cues that reinforce our misplaced values about ourselves.
To my husband, it was about helping out his family member by lightening her load and making our own sandwiches, but to me it struck the chord of the battles I face with not feeling good enough, or that I can do anything right.
If we aren’t rooted in who we are in Christ, then we will live from how we feel instead of who we are called to be.
I have a challenge for you this week, in your interactions with the various people you will undoubtedly come into contact with, I challenge you to to keep your true identity, a fresh slice of humble pie are the forefront. What do your conversations look like when you put your pride aside, and be the first to apologize or forgive someone after a conflict.
I would love to hear your experiences in the comments, blessings friends!
P.S Next week we are looking at how Satan uses Family to create disharmony, discord and distress. Be sure to check back!