Becoming a Lifeforming Coach - My Transformation

Coaching for a Teachable Moment vs. Coaching for Following an Agenda

I get so far behind on these posts, it is getting frustrating! The post is about my peer meeting I had last Sunday, but I’m sure some stuff that happened this week is bound to creep in.

Sunday evening, when I had my peer meeting, I had been doing great with my goals. Eating was on track, exercise was on track. My self-esteem  was high, my sense of worth and accomplishment was high. My peer coach was somewhat at a loss for words or what to do next, when I explained all of the insights and important moments I had about not cursing myself and loving myself they shared in my victories. I felt on top the world, and that I had conquered my demons once and for all. All of this progress only to fall back behind. I took two steps forward last week and five giant leaps backward this week.

Anyway at that point, I completed all of my action steps, and I was “in control” and happy. That’s kinda the key, IN CONTROL. Last week I started a new fitness and eating plan and as a result I really stuck to it (while also rewarding and not depriving myself). So while I was not looking at the scale or the number on the scale to define my self worth, I was looking at the control I had following my eating and exercise plan to define my self worth. I will talk more about that later. As I was going along in my session, my coach shifted to a different area that was a sore spot for me. Noting that it was going to make me emotional, they gave me permission to not step into that zone. Once I was given the permission to not go there, I didn’t go there and I think that impeded any teachable moments that were maybe on the horizon.

The title of the post is coaching to meet a goal or for a teachable moment, so I want to explain what I mean. While I was coaching my peer, they right away told me their objective/agenda for our session. As they started to dive in and explain their progress and setbacks, they also started to go into different avenues of the main issue. As a coach, in the back of my mind I was trying to redirect our focus to directly answer the agenda, but while sitting in the moment being present and aware our conversation took us elsewhere. As we ventured into childhood and issues regarding growing up, I could tell it was a sore spot. The difference is while my peer did not want to talk about these things, they were the one to bring it up. I wanted to go there because I thought there was potential for that teachable moment. As our trainer says, it is a dance or an art to balance several things, including teachable moments in relation to the persons goal.

After my peer meeting I was as confused as ever, I felt like I had not gotten anything accomplished, that I neither helped them with what they wanted to achieve out of the session, or led them to an actual teachable moment. Luckily, after class on Tuesday, our trainer put it into perspective me. We always remind the client of their goal, but follow their lead if they take it to a place where growth can occur. As I sat in the present as a coach, my questions came without thinking about them and during a debrief my peer revealed that these questions were the ones that caused them to gain perspective.

My takeaway is that questions are all about perspective. The types of questions you ask others stem from your own perception of self and conversely the type of answers you give are based on your perspective. In Tuesday’s class we discussed this further, such as not looking at success in terms of absolutes and instead looking at success as a journey fueled by the insight we receive from the holy spirit. That is what my next post will be on is Tuesday’s class regarding redefining success.

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